The sole is big for the sake of being big, adding an inch or two to the wearer’s height. The stitching is comprised of enough I survived teaching virtual learning 10 days 2020 2021 shirt of linen to make Karl Marx blush. The tongue sticks out like it wants to French kiss your ankle. Its brand name is plastered on its exterior no less than five times, like the shoe is the star of Memento and the mystery is how to get back to the Journeys store in the mall. It’s an Air Force One that got drunk, fell down the stairs, and got a neck tattoo. It’s like if someone looked at the character models in Sonic Adventure 2 and their only criticism was that the shoes aren’t big enough. The sole must be ribbed because triangles are the strongest shape and the whole thing would buckle under its weight otherwise. Neil Armstrong slipped these on to go take a piss break at the outhouse on the moon.
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